Soon, you'll notice that the background of my photos has changed.
I've moved back to Buffalo, back into the on-campus student apartment that I share with three other girls.
And I'm having some majorly mixed feelings about that.
I moved in today, and the second I walked in everything felt different. And not in a good way.
Don't get me wrong, now. Aspects of a new setup in the living room and kitchen are great - there's more storage space and more light. There are new equipment additions to the kitchen, which is always a plus. And the new shower curtain in the bathroom I share with our newest roommate is pretty. I appreciate pretty things.
But at the same time, so many things had changed while I was gone, and it just didn't feel like home anymore.
Now, I guarantee part of this emotional rollercoaster can be attributed to the fact that today was my first Sunday away from my VA church home. And I visited my fiancé at his new townhouse, where we'll be spending our first month and a half or so of our married life, as soon as I got back to the Buffalo area, and that truly felt like home. But, I don't live there. And I couldn't bring my church up to Western New York with me. So there's two homes that I can't have right now.
I think, ultimately, I'm longing for a sense of permanence. The college lifestyle of living between two places, taking enough classes to fill up two more semesters, and the nine remaining months before my wedding - it's all just temporary, and it's wearing on me. A permanent home and church community is what I want most in the world right now.
I really want my apartment to feel like home, however temporary a solution it is. Once all my roommates get back, I hope it will. Till then, I just need to lean on God and trust that He knows better than I do about waiting.
So...any tips for patience?
On a side note, my heart was majorly touched to see the incredible response to Jennifer Perillo's call this past Friday. I can't even imagine how hard it would be to lose someone you loved so much so suddenly, and the flood of support that went her way in the form of peanut butter pies everywhere was absolutely heartwarming. It was wonderful to witness the comradery in the blogging community - just proves you don't have to meet someone in person to love them! Sadly, because I was packing to move, I was unable to participate. The Derby Pie was the best I could do, but I've been lifting Jennie and her family up in prayer ever since I read her post, and I hope you'll do the same.